A few days ago I was working from home running a social network. I had a never-ending to-do list and I was battling spammers who appeared to be Chinese but were re-directing their nasty little efforts via the US.
Now I am the main carer for my two young children Thing 1 and Thing 2 and I’m looking to pick up some freelance work to fill in the gaps when I’m childfree.
The most important aspect for me though is the opportunity to publish a series of novels that I concocted while being awake in the night thanks to the two Things.
So what are nine things I have noticed since changing from being the UK manager for www.activagers.com to chief child amuser?
1) People give you very funny looks if you waltz down the street with the kids belting out Singing in the rain (it’s not as if it wasn’t raining – that would have been silly).
2) There are only so many times in one day that you can respond calmly to the simple question: “Dad?”
3) A day spent in charge of the two Things is longer than a day spent fighting with the Internet but can be more entertaining. A sun-downer beer also tastes nicer and is more rewarding.
4) The Things much prefer an ‘expedition’ out in the wilds of Scotland in a gale peppered with rain and twigs than playing inside with their latest toys. This is good news because so do I. Even if we did have to fight off wolves, bears and tigers – obviously being pirates gave us an extra advantage.
5) It’s much easier spending more time with the Things than less time if that time involves leaving a smoking laptop and walking down the stairs straight into the dinner to bedtime ‘witching hour’.
6) When you tell blokes about your change in life they say the right things but still give you a strange look. The mums at nursery etc are very nice but visibly wonder if I’m expecting them to talk to me all the time.
7) Calling Thing 2 (my two year old daughter) Monkey Nuts in public always seems to earn a frown.
8) The original Batman and Robin TV series was incredibly sexist and both Thing 1 and 2 LOVE it.
9) Frazzles crisps taste better than I remembered.
All in all quite an interesting first week, but can I have less rain next week please?